"I went on a date with a girl from OkCupid. It was latish (about 9 p.m.), and she sent me a message out of the blue. We talked for a while, and she wanted to meet up to get food.
I hadn't had dinner yet, so I agreed. We were to meet up at a local diner.
Her profile picture was reasonable. Not my typical type, but not awful. What showed up, however, was not great.
She was about 5' 2" and somewhere between 190-210lbs. Rotund is the best word. That would have been fine if she wasn't... Toad-like? I'm trying to be nice here.
That would have even been ok, but it wasn't just her. She had brought her friend along (a 16-year-old; I was 22; she was 20). To compound that, her friend had brought her toddler along. Oh, and her friend brought another friend.
So here I am with 3 girls and a toddler that I don't know. All three of the girls had brought Monster energy into the restaurant with them. We sat down at the table and it just went downhill from there.
The toddler ran out of juice in her sippy cup, so the mom filled it with the Monster. She then let the toddler play with the sugar container (one of the 'shaker' style ones). She promptly poured sugar all over the table and started licking it up.
Meanwhile, all the girls are laughing at the toddler and having a great time. They're talking amongst each other and not even attempting to include me in the conversation. After about 5 minutes of them ignoring me, they started talking about guys from high school.
Long story short, I ate half a chicken sandwich, excused myself, apologized to the hostess/waitress for the mess and the awful people, left a $50 and got out before it was too late."
"I had a very disappointing date in high school. It was the dead of winter. Like - 40 degrees. We had gone to a movie, and the whole thing was really awkward. She didn't really seem to want to be there, was very detached. After the movie, and the bus trip home, she admitted that the only reason she even agreed to the date with me was that my friend had turned her down a few days earlier (I wasn't aware of that at the time). That was a pretty big let down and waste of time.
But I figured whatever, I'll head home, and find something else to spend time on, I'll get over it eventually. I got off the bus and just wanted to get home as soon as possible. At the bus stop there is a thigh-high railing around the front of the nearby parking lot, instead of walking around it, I decided to step onto, and then over it.
The second I stepped onto it, I realized it was coated in ice. I Charlie browned out. Just flipped through the air. Lost everything in my pockets. Ripped my pants from butt to zipper. And then came down hard right onto the railing with my shin, fracturing it.
It's still - 40 out. I can't just lay there till help comes. So I fish around in the snow, grab my stuff, try to stuff my balls back into my pants, and stagger home."
"One time I went on an OKCupid date and everything was normal until the end.
She was a cute, blonde girl that liked some of the things I liked. We seemed to make each other laugh via OKCupid chat, so I asked her if she wanted to meet. She said sure.
We met up at the Elephant & Castle in San Francisco. It's a popular bar and has enough room to have private conversations. I was kind of nervous and didn't want to drink because I was on medication but she called me out so I ordered what she ordered - a pear cider.
We go upstairs and nervously talk. At first, it was awkward but we both seemed to loosen up quickly.
She has a darker sense of humor than I expected, bringing up topics like burned bodies discovered on the side of the road and making jokes. I'm into it and play along too.
Everything seems completely fine and normal and I start maybe to even like her and she touches me playfully and it just seems completely normal and easy.
Then suddenly, without anything weird being said or anything happening: no phone call or emotion or reaction, she gets up and just walks away rapidly.
I was so confused by the suddenness I thought maybe I had missed something she said and followed her through the crowded bar as she increased her speed. She never looked back at me or anything, she just kept going for the door.
I thought maybe she was having a panic attack or something like that but when we got outside she was completely fine. She kept walking away at top speed when I finally said, 'Hey, wait a moment!'
She turned around with this look on her face like she didn't know who I was and said, 'Yes?'
I was like, 'Uh, oh that was so sudden I mean, I just wanted to say goodbye. Maybe we can shake hands or something?' I didn't really know what to say and I tried to make a joke thinking about the least intimate greeting.
She said, 'Why?' as she stuck out her hand and put it in mine awkwardly. Then she turned around and high tailed it out there.
I took a minute and looked at her walk away and I tried retracing my steps of what we said and did and trying to think of why she reacted like that. I really felt like I must be the worst person ever.
What I didn't notice while thinking was that there was this huge crowd of people smoking outside. I mean, it must have been 50 people just all around. After she left they all started cracking jokes about me. Like tons and tons of jokes. Finally, one very tall dude smoking a clove shouted loudly, 'Ahhh! Romeo! You messed that stuff up! Look how fast that girl is walking!' Everyone just erupted in laughter.
I was so double stunned that I just kind of walked away slowly back toward the BART station. As I walked I heard that same voice yell, 'Aw man? Did I hurt that guy's feelings? Sorry, brother!'
That's not the worst date I have been on but it was one that I think of a lot in the shower when I feel depressed."
"I met her in an adult soccer league. Asked her to grab breakfast that weekend, she accepted. Picked her up, took her to a hole in the wall diner, ordered the garden omelet. Throughout the meal, she talked about all the stuff she was in to. Choking, being dominated, being hit (but not too hard), whips and cuffs. As Kevin Hart would say, she was getting too kinky too fast. Got the check, realized my wallet was in my gym bag from the night before. I apologized, she paid for us both and I took her back to her place. She invited me in, and I couldn't refuse as she had just bought me a meal.
An hour later, after the dirtiest time of my life up to that point, we were lying in bed when she gets a text and panics.
'Oh my god, you have to leave! My boyfriend got off work early and if he finds us he'll kick me out!'
This is the first I'm hearing of a SO, and I realize that I just slept with a chick on her boyfriend's bed after she bought breakfast with money he gave her (she told me she doesn't work and that she cheated on her boyfriend because she didn't love him but needed a place to stay, so really I'm guessing it was his money).
I throw on half my clothes, jump into my car, and knock over the mailbox in my rush to get my idiot self out of dodge. When I get home, I see that my rear bumper has a nice new crack."
"I'm walking down the street just finishing a conversation on my super old, craptastic, flip phone. Just as I'm hanging up, wham, I knock into someone and drop my phone. I apologize, grab my phone, and head back to work.
Ten minutes later I get a phone call: 'Hey, I think we switched phones by accident.' Turns out the girl I bumped into had the same phone as me. Anyways, we plan to meet at a local coffee place after work that day to trade back. I walk up and see this very cute ginger wearing a suit dress. We chat for a bit: turns out she works at a bank, likes what I like, and is totally up for getting dinner this weekend! Great!
Saturday evening rolls around and I swing by her place to pick her up. Out her door walks a girl who looks remarkably like said date only instead of professional office clothes, she is wearing 4-inch platform boots, fishnet stalkings, some sorta corset-like top and spiky hair.
Now normally I don't really care about a person's style, but I was bit taken aback. 'Who cares' I think and jump out to open the door.
Cue witty banter.
Everything is going great! She's laughing at my jokes and her humor seems to match mine perfectly. She asks what the plan is for the night and I tell her I'm going to take her to my absolute favorite high-quality dining establishment... and get her a Big Mac. And, if she plays her cards right, I might even supersize it. She runs with the joke, and even one-ups me. My spirits are high. She might have wild fashion, but this chick is cool.
We arrive at this nice pub in town and I turn off the car.
'What about McDonald's?' Legit confused look on her face...
I laugh and upon seeing her face stop in confusion. We head inside and order dinner. I have Manhattan and she orders the biggest boot (this restaurant has glass boots) of bud light I've ever seen. The waiter comes over and takes our order. As he's leaving, my date whispers rather loudly: 'I can't believe they let his people in such a classy place. We should probably check our food for spit before we eat it.'
Our waiter is black and has a pair of ears...
So I am beginning to panic. She continues her whispered commentary on the supremacy of whites all the while putting away an obscene (but impressive) quantity of bud light. Dinner arrives and she makes a point of checking her plate for saliva. The waiter and I make eye contact and I would like to think that he understood that I agreed with him that this girl was nuts.
So three more boots later, she excuses herself for a bathroom break while I take care of the check. I apologize profusely to the waiter for my date's conduct. Dude is a true gentleman: 'Don't worry about it man, there are all sorts of people in this world.' My date returns and we head out.
In MY car she pulls out a smoke and lights up. Doesn't even bother putting the window down. 'We should go shooting out at my dad's farm!'
I vaguely excuse myself from such activities and point out that it is rather later and time to go home. I drop her off at her house and she says: 'This was great, except for that waiter. We should totally go get that Big Mac next time. See you soon!'
mr. teerapon tiuekhom/Shutterstock
"Took a girl to movies (I now realize not the best location for first dates).
She asks 'can my best friend come too?' (there go my chances basically) I say of course she can! (trying to be nice, was also assuming it was going to be a girl).
Shows up with her friend, who is indeed a guy. This is when I find out that it's her one and only ex, but they remained best friends and nothing is happening between them (well this date is ruined, let's try to salvage it).
Go to pay for our tickets (me and her), even when she offered to pay for hers. After buying, she turns around and buys her ex's ticket...
We actually got along fine and they were nice people, but it was like a tug of war for the rest of the night fighting for her attention. Of course, I lose, they are best friends.
When I get home the guy adds me on Facebook, and he proceeds to tell me don't bother trying to date her, she's a terrible girlfriend (thanks for the heads up).
I finally got her alone for one more movie, but it all just sort of fell apart, I actually really liked her, but clearly, I had no effect on her. Oh well, I guess.
Take note future daters, this is a huge red flag..."
"This is hands down the worst date not only that I've had but any of my friends have even heard about. When it got bad that was only the prequel to what was to come...
2003, I'm at home and get a random phone call, let's call her Melissa, is on the other end. She says she got my number from a mutual friend who thought that I would like her. Okay, this an odd phone call but I'm really single and a prospect of going on a date sounded delightful. We talk for more than an hour and she is sprinkling hints as to what she looks like, she also says she has seen pictures of me and thinks I'm cute - bonus! She mentions her bra size more than once, ok sweet I like a bigger chested girl I'm thinking.
We line up a date for the next Saturday, it was Thursday. I live in town and she lives in a suburb that requires her to catch a train and then a bus, roughly a two-hour ride to see me. I have no idea what she looks like, except that she had brown hair and an extra large bra size. I'm standing in the spot where we decided to meet and I'm seeing a girl kind of stumbling down the street, she's wearing those baggy type jeans that goth kids wear, really baggy and frayed at the cuffs, not my style at all. Also she's got way too much makeup on. Turns out it's her. She tells me the reason she was stumbling was due to the fact that she got a bit nervous at the idea of a blind date so she picked up a pint of Smirnoff for the train ride into town, then another for the bus ride and she is now meeting two pints deep and clearly not sober. The second she notices me, her haze rises a notch to a level of excitement and she drapes her herself across me in a sloppy hug with a butt grab added at the end.
I'm confused and scared and nervous and a bit frustrated all at once. I had planned to take her to play pool at an upscale place downtown that's kind of trendy. I mention it and she's all for it as long as they serve drinks, hmm, ok.
At the pool hall, the waitress gets us a table and asks us if we would like a drink? 'Four shots of Jose and a pint of Budweiser' she says. 'Wow ok, Jose? I'm not usually a fan but ok,' I say. 'Oh did you want some too,' she replies. They were all for her. Keep in mind it was probably around three in the afternoon. The drinks come and one after another without a pause goes down Melissa's throat. One shot two shot three shot four and then downs the pint. Upon finishing the pint she looks right into my eyes and wipes the foam from her lips with the back of her hand and my mind pictured what a murderer looks like moments before committing an act of horror. She saunters over to me while I trying to line up a shot and says:
'You can take me. We can go to the bathroom right now if you want.'
I miss my shot partially due to the hand creeping its way to my crotch. I kind of laugh her off and say maybe we should wait until we finish the game. She lets out this impatient sigh and grabs my cue to make her shot. She isn't really lining it up and then she takes a hit. It barely even grazed the cue ball. In frustration, Melissa throws the pool cue across the pool table whereupon hitting the carpet snags it and creates a massive tear across the table. This is hilarious to her and she starts laughing like an idiot hyena. I'm less than amused. I say I need to take a leak and head to the bathroom. I'm keeping an eye on my back as I do in the case shes tailing me. In the bathroom, I lock myself in a stall and put my face in my hands. How did I get here? Who is the woman and why did I agree to this? How can I get out this? Where is my god and why has he forsaken me?
While I'm in the bathroom contemplating my poor life decisions I'm hearing a commotion outside. Some sort of shouting and a glass breaking. I compose myself as best I can and leave my sanctuary.
Melissa and the bartender are face to face yelling at each other. The bartender is being rational and asking her not to pull at the tear created by her pool cue lancing. Apparently, she thought the hilarity would continue if she ripped more carpet off the table while the waitress and bartender thought better. Melissa sees me and starts explaining how much these two are idiots. I try calming her and tell her maybe we should hit up another place anyway. She complies. There seems to be a God after all.
I'm an opportunist so I try to make the best of this situation. I'm mentally crossing off the date stuff I can do with this girl in her inebriated state and come to the conclusion it would be best to just drink and pass the time until her scheduled bus leaves. She's all for it, surprise surprise.
I grab a 12-pack and being a sunny day I suggest a beach not far from the train station. I've stated more than once now that she should be on her way when the bus gets here, I didn't want her to have to be stranded in town if she did, I say. She reluctantly agrees.
We pass the next few hours drinking on the beach, and her trying her best to paw at my crotch. By about six thirty or so I'm fairly buzzed and not far from ending this odd scenario. It's about time to head to the bus station and she's moving at half speed now and hinting that she doesn't want to leave yet. I'm not paying attention but instead taking her by the elbow and inching toward her bus. She doesn't have any more money, I pay for the ticket. The bus driver takes her ticket but she doesn't get on. Instead, she looks over her shoulder at me and then proceeds to empty her stomach right on the first step of the bus. The bus driver pushes her back, curses her, closes the door and peels off. Oh god no.
Wiping her mouth of leftover vomit, she gives me a faint smile and says 'Well looks like we can hang out a little longer.' I'm not amused and I'm not trying to hide it either, I'm not smiling, I'm not being polite - I'm a totem of disappointment.
I'm walking away from the train station with her in tow. She explains that she has nowhere to go and it really isn't a big deal if she just goes home with me, and besides, we can have some fun while we're at it. No.
I let the steam of anger simmer down a bit and think logically she really doesn't have anywhere to go and it would be a bad move to just leave her to her own devices (mistake). Reluctantly I tell her she crash at my place, but its gonna be on my couch. She's all for it.
I live with my cousin at the time and he's home. When he sees this atrocity come in behind me he runs to his bedroom stifling the laughs along the way.
We watch a bit of tv while finishing the last of the 12-pack. I tell her it's getting late and I'm gonna call it a night. I grab some extra blankets and pillows for her. She takes them quietly and thanks me.
Then in the middle of the night, I'm awakened by a sensation that I'm being crushed. Melissa is on top of me, our faces are inches apart.
'I couldn't sleep.' That was all she said.
I tell her to get off of me and that she's hurting me. She gets up. She says she didn't want to sleep in my living room and asks if she can sleep in here with me. Wordless I get up to grab the blankets and pillow from the living room and make a bed next to mine. She watches me do this and when I finish, instead of saying anything I point to the bed and climb back into my own. Once more that night she attempted to get on top of me. Also, she never took her shoes off.
The heavens smile upon me by blessing me with daybreak. I wake her up and repeat the process of taking her to the bus station. This time the formalities are gone, there's your bus don't puke this time, no I didn't have a good time, but goodbye anyway.
On returning home I pull out my black book and look up our mutual friend, and proceed to rag her out for putting me through such an ordeal. My friend is perplexed and has no idea who Melissa is. I describe her and there's a moment of silence. She says she remembers now. My friend had her friend from out of town come to visit but she had brought along her cousin who was high functioning but a special needs student. Her mother was in the process having her signed over to a group home here in town. When Melissa visited my friend she apparently went through her things and found a photo of me with her with my phone number on the back and took it.
I went on a date with a mentally disabled woman."
"Back when I was still in high school, I asked a longtime childhood friend whom we shall call 'Alice' to come with me to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Now, Alice was not able to use her legs very well. She had a bit of the 'Palsy, but that didn't matter to me. I thought she was cool, and in typical 15-year-old hormone-fueled fashion, was moved at the size of her 'girls.' She was what you would call 'pleasantly plump.'
We rode with my sister and her boyfriend, so we didn't speak much on the way to the park. (My sister and her boyfriend were making comments about our 'date', so that didn't really help...) This particular day, she elected to bring her wheelchair instead of her usual walker.
So, having spent most of the morning fast-tracking it through the lines and having our fill of rides, we decided to go ride the Superman ride. Now, If you know the general layout of this park, you know just how hilly the park actually is. The Superman ride is almost right smack dab in the middle of the park. To get there, you have a pretty good climb ahead of you. When you push someone in a wheelchair, and you're kind of out of shape, it makes that climb that much more strenuous.
Well, after having pushed her up there and finding out that the ride was closed for maintenance, we decided to head to the Batman ride and had to descend from this small mountain.
This did not go well.
Being out of breath, dehydrated, and tired after walking and hiking under a hot summer sun makes you forget things. I forgot about gravity. On the way down, I tripped, or slipped, or something (I can't remember clearly as I hit my head on the concrete) and she went flying down the hill. Her chair tipped over, she flew out of it. I remember thinking to myself 'Well, dang.'
She came to a halt when she rolled into a group of people making their way up the hill. Her chair was damaged, and she had scrapes and bruises.
We both got checked out by the park staff and released.
The rest of the day was really awkward between us. Since we couldn't leave on our own, we had to grin and bear it for the rest of our 'date'.
After that, she didn't speak to me for about a week. At least we're still friends."
"I joined a website for dating to try and get more dates. That was my only intent. I have been working too much for 2 years at my new job. I just wanted to have more fun.
I got an e-mail and set up a date with this girl. It's my 5th date from the site, it's been fun. But this one girl was like one of those love at first sight moments when we met at a restaurant. I saw her and she was perfect. I tried to play it cool but I felt like I could just cut ties with all the girls I've dated and just commit to her.
Physically she was everything I could ever ask for and exactly my type. Her personality seemed about a 10/10. About 30 minutes into sitting down, we didn't even order cause we were just talking. The chemistry was as good as it was with my first love when I was 13. It was perfect, sparks were flying, I thought I was done and ready to commit here.
But then she tells me to forget about ordering food, let's go somewhere else, and she has this idea. She won't say much and I like surprises so I didn't ask much. We jumped in my car and drove to this restaurant about 20 minutes away kind of out of town. It was halfway up a mountain near a ski resort. I'm familiar with the area so no big deal.
We walk in and her family is celebrating her aunt's birthday. There were only family and a lot of it, about 40 people. She introduces me and everybody was happy to meet me and really nice. Everybody also knew that she was out on a first date. They were asking her stuff like, 'Is this the guy?' 'Is this your date?' 'Is this the one?' All of the sudden I wasn't so cool and relaxed. I felt heavy pressure to be on my best behavior. It was high pressure to the 3rd degree.
We sat down and I started being questioned by her older sister, her aunt, and another lady. Her mom started kind of defending me and telling them to back off and let me eat. But the interrogating continued. After I don't know how long they turned to my date and jokingly said: 'We approve.'
I was totally off balance all night, just tense. I was afraid the back of my shirt would get that a big wet spot cause I felt sweat. Later the sister brings her cute little girl and lets me hold her and she and my date started taking pictures of me holding her, and somebody else's baby boy as well. I started to feel like the tone of it all was that we were a couple. I kind of felt like I was married to her and these people were my in-laws.
After a couple of hours, everybody was kind of tiring out and everything began to wind down. Then her dad suddenly asks me 'jokingly' what my intentions are with his daughter. Everybody at the table looked at me which is about half the people there.
I guess I was exhausted from all the questioning (I was questioned by multiple people, multiple times) and the pressure of it all cause I kind of lost it. He asked the question, I looked across the table at her, and she told her dad to stop it. Her dad smiles and jokingly says that he'd really like to hear my response, and her uncle also said he'd like to know (jokingly). I looked at my date and said, 'Can I talk to you alone for a minute.' To which her dad laughs loudly and says: 'I made him nervous.'
So everybody is laughing and I guess it was a big joke. Then her sister says, 'Oh there are no secrets in this family, speak your mind.' People then laugh again and everybody starts making jokes about not having secrets and this man who married into the family somehow tells me that he remembers being in my place and he says, 'Let me give you some advice, the best thing to do right now is speak your mind and be honest.' Then others join in and echo his sentiment.
So I looked at my date and she says, 'You can tell me anything here, we're all family.' She also I think was joking. But I had started to lose my ability to tell when people were joking and when they were serious. So the dad says, 'Wait, I haven't gotten an answer to my question.' So finally I speak directly to the dad and say, 'I'd like to discuss that with her first.' But I REGRETFULLY, laughed as I said it. So her dad says, 'I asked you first, I wanna know.' I turn to my date and she says something like, 'Go ahead you can tell me, I'm a big girl I can handle it.'
So I said ok and sat down then took a couple of breaths while her dad kind of quieted everybody down. I started with 'I think I made a huge mistake.' It all spiraled down from there. I said harsh things like that I felt like I was having a bad dream where I was suddenly married. I questioned her intentions in bringing me there. I said stuff like, 'What were you thinking?' 'Yes, I liked you, but I just met you, and right now I know your aunt (I pointed at her sitting next to me) better than I know you.' I think she was humiliated but I couldn't stop, the more I spoke the more bad stuff came out, total tailspin. I said I want to find someone special but I don't want to skip the first 29 dates and skip to date 30 which is what I'd done that night.
Then people started interrupting and chiming in and suggesting that she and I slow down and have a real first date. I wasn't having it, I was out of control. I said, 'No, it's too late for that, I feel robbed here, I wanted to meet this girl, get to know her, date her, and maybe fall for her, but now it's like we're engaged and her whole family is here and there are all these expectations. We skipped the getting to know each other, and dating part so I feel robbed.' Then I said yet another thing I regret. I said, 'It's a HUGE RED FLAG (with an emphatic gesture) that I asked for a minute alone with you to talk, and this is what I got instead.' I added something like 'You're all great and a great family, but the lack of certain boundaries is a huge red flag for me. I would never let my relationship become family business.'
My date interrupts me at this point and says, 'Ok, so let's talk in private, let's go outside and talk, I'm sorry I didn't give you that minute, let's go outside and talk privately, I'll give you all night.' She was visibly shaken and I could tell tears were inevitable. I stood up again and realizing that I had insulted all of them I just quietly walked out. I felt really bad cause they were all nice and had nothing but the best intentions for me. They love her, and they were literally telling me that I was good enough which should've been a compliment, but I somehow took it the wrong way and spat in their face. I didn't even drink."
"Met her at a party, texted for a few days, she invites me to her house. Show up, go to her room. Awesome start.
Absorbed by texting. Like the entire room and myself melted away and the entire universe did not matter except for a couple of words on her 4" cell phone screen. Bombs could have been dropped, I could've stolen all of her stuffed animals, TV, clothes and she would never know for hours.
'So, how have you been?' Radio silence except for tapping at the phone.
'Do anything fun the last few days?' Nothing.
I eventually stand up and go exploring in the house, wander into the next room, get caught by mom and sister. But wait. They happen to be setting up Christmas decorations. They need a strong man to help. The sister is pretty, whatever, this could turn out much better than expected.
Snorting, farting, crazy, annoying trailer trash is what I find in 5 minutes of conversation. And I'm the only one doing the decorating. Forget this. I say I'm going to leave and everyone goes silent. Really really awkward exit like I'm some sort of leper. Terrible. Embarrassing.
The original girl invited me to a Halloween party a few years later, found out she was engaged. Talked to the dude for a while, go to leave, he stands up and sticks his hand out for a handshake, bro is missing fingers on his right hand and also has a legit peg-leg. The guy was dressed as a pirate.
Her life must be interesting."
"Once in the throes of desperation, I decided to try and meet someone on Craigslist. I found a posting that seemed like a nice, not insane, fairly reasonable person that seemed to have common interests and we got along pretty well during our email exchange.
We met up at a local outdoor mall to walk around and chat for a bit and decide where to go from there. She....was far bigger than I had been led to believe, had definite facial hair, and smelled terrible. Like a trooper, I decided to stick it out, because maybe she's really nice in person. I figured worst case scenario, contact with someone who wasn't a coworker or my family would be nice.
Over the course of the date, she made multiple references to how nice it was to see so many other couples out and about that day and attempted to name our future children and discuss weddings. There were some other red flag conversations that I don't recall, but it was....odd.
There was not a second date."